DadRock

An open letter to The Imagination Movers

Dear Imagination Movers,
How've you been? Things are good here. It's been a little colder than normal for this time of year, but for the most part I enjoy it. How's the weather where you are? Good I hope.

Look, let me get to the point. As I'm sure you're aware, I've talked a lot of trash about you. I don't think I ever blogged about you, but I'm certain that I told my wife how annoying I thought you were, and I told my friend Bryan that you sucked and that I'd rather listen to The Wiggles. Mover Scott, you in particular have found yourself at the business end of my insult cannon more than once. After all, I did say that you looked like Penn Jillette's nerdy son (seriously though, the resemblance is uncanny), and I think I once suggested you should go have improper relations with yourself.

I hope you'll forgive me, for these things were all said before your show debuted on Playhouse Disney. You see, now that I've had some time to get more acquainted with you, I've actually grown quite fond. Some of those songs are downright catchy, and your show, with its Monkees-like hijinks, is a welcome addition to the oversimplified cartoon world I get subjected to each morning. Mover Scott, I'm sorry I said you looked like you got kicked out of Hootie and the Blowfish for having stupid chin hair. It turns out you're probably the best one on the show, except for maybe that cutie Nina. What's her story, anyway? Why's she hanging around with four dudes all the time? That's a recipe for disaster, guys. Let me tell you, nothing can split up a band faster than having one cute girl hanging around all the time.

Don't get rid of her! That's not what I'm saying. I just think maybe you should have 2 or 3 more cute girls come hang out sometimes. I'd just hate to see Mover Smitty end up getting hurt when he falls in love with her and she chooses Mover Rich instead.

Finally, if you'll allow me one indulgence, I'd like to make a suggestion. You guys have all those wacky rooms in the Idea Warehouse, right? What if you had a Nacho Room, where a liquid cheese fountain was the centerpiece, and you could build your own nacho platter? Just an idea!

Anyway, I hope you will forgive me for my disrespectful past, and that we can just put it all behind us.

Sincerely,
dadrock

p.s. I don't mean to rock the boat now that we've gotten things smoothed out, but seriously, that "Numbers in my Bag" is the worst crap ever. You might want to drop that one.

p.p.s. Sorry, but as I was typing out the previos post-script it occurred to me that someone also needed to point out to you that the "Seven Days a Week" song is a ripoff of the theme for "Go Diego Go" so you might want to drop it too.

Things I've Been Doing Besides Blogging

It's been far too long, so I figured I owed you an explanation as to what I've been up to since we last spoke. Make no mistake, I've been moderately busy a considerable amount of the time.

1. Brewing
About a month ago I cooked up a batch of Extra Pale Ale. It's my first shot at home brewing, but I've got high hopes. If this one goes well, I'm going to try something a little darker next time around, like a porter or a winter ale. I brewed it and moved it to a fermenter, then a week or so later siphoned it to a secondary fermenter. Two weeks after that, I bottled. As we speak, there's a Rubbermaid in our kitchen with 45 bottles of beer in it, conditioning. I could crack one as soon as Monday, but I'm going to hold off until Wednesday since it's been cold (the carbonation process happens slower in colder temps). I'm also considering holding off until Tuesday the 4th as a celebratory gesture. I'll keep you posted.

2. Cramming My Face with Politcs
As alluded to in the previous post, I've been downright obsessed with the impending election as well as political stuff in general (see #3). I even hung out with my 12 grade American Government teacher a coupl'a weeks ago. That was a hoot. I suspect he may become a bit of a comrade down here in the Republican stronghold we call our home town.

3. Watching The West Wing
Aaron Sorkin's masterpiece, The West Wing has four solid seasons of fantastic tv with some of the best characters ever to grace the small screen. By season 5, things start getting a little shaky (I'm sure it's no coincidence that Sorkin left after season 4), but even through the hit-or-miss later seasons, there's some great stuff. The liberalism is a little heavy-handed at times (even for me, and that's saying something), but excepting that, it's fantastic.

4. Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning
I installed Windows on my iMac specifically so I could play this game. It's glorious.

5. Being Amazed by Our Son's Progress
He started pre-school back in August, and it's doing wonders. His vocabulary is up to 7 or 8 clear words/names, and a good handful of beginning sounds accompanied by signs. He's picking up things quickly now, and we're feeling very confident that the verbal breakthrough we're waiting on is just around the bend. He's in pre-school two days a week for three hours a day, plus his weekly speech therapy. We're feeling good.

6. Getting Ready to Have a Daughter

 

 

Things We're Into (in no particular order)

Things the boy is into lately:
1. The Wiggles
2. his talking Little Einsteins Quincy doll action figure
3. Veggie Patch Spinach Nuggets
4. purposely falling down when we say "uh-oh!"
5. making a giant pile of books on the floor
6. A Baby's First Word Book of Wild Animals (Animal Patch)
7. Ni-Hao Kai-Lan
8. opening doors and drawers

Things I'm into lately:
1. living vicariously through Slash's autobiography
2. the greatest thrash-punk band made up of dudes in their 30s Atlanta has ever seen
3. World of Warcraft
4. Testament's The Formation of Damnation
5. Sweetwater Happy Ending
6. Barack Obama
7. Helen's Kitchen Vegetarian Chicken Tofu Steaks
8. Eddie Van Halen, Iron Maiden, Jake E. Lee, Metallica, and Carlos Santana shredding

Yo Gabba Gabba is awesome

Mark Mothersbaugh drew a potato bug on a skateboard. Kids made funny faces. The monsters ate snacks and cleaned up after themselves. Elijah Wood did the Puppetmaster. A furry cartoon goon caught a tire in the "crick" and his family was excited to eat it. There was a lot of dancing.

I love this show.

We accept you, one of us...

I don't know about you, but I'm super excited about the new Nick Jr. show "Yo Gabba Gabba!" that starts on August 20th. The show combines man-in-a-suit style robots and monsters with brightly colored sets, animation, and various guests, and uses crazy, goofy songs to encourage kids to try a variety of foods, brush their teeth, clean up after themselves, and just all sorts of good things. The style of the show really recalls the Sid and Marty Krofft shows of the 70s, which I watched a lot when I was a kid (specifically "Sigmund and the Sea Monsters" and "H.R. Pufnstuff"), so that's a big score for me. Also, the guests run the gamut from movie stars (Elijah Wood) to musicians (Biz Markie, Mark Mothersbaugh, the Shins). "Jack's Big Music Show", which I've talked about here before, has done a decent job of pulling in some cool musical guests too, but if the previews I've seen and the wiki entry are any indication, "Yo Gabba Gabba!" is knocking it out of the park.

The show also features a heavy influence from the ska-punk-synth-pop band The Aquabats (a musical legion of costumed superheros who do battle with their foes in the middle of their shows...a sort of anti-Gwar, if you will), who contribute to the music and voices on the show. I've never heard much of The Aquabats stuff (in fact, the only thing I think I've heard is their cover of Devo's "Love Without Anger" from the We Are Not Devo tribute album that came out 10 years ago or so), but I like their visual style, and their mythology seems fun. Maybe I'll go back and check out some of the records.

At any rate, the show seems to be getting decent buzz, and Noggin has been flooding the airwaves with promos, which frequently get the attention of our rugrat. Our cable service offers On Demand, and I've already exhausted the four or five clips in there, the longest of which is six minutes long and features Elijah Wood teaching a dance called The Puppet Master, which seemingly has nothing to do with Metallica nor horror movies. But still, I like Wood, and even if his dance is kind of lame, it's cool to see him on the show.

The show's main cast consists of five freakazoids (my name for them, not theirs) and one regular person (the term regular is being used relatively).

Plex the robot
Muno the cyclops
Toodee the blue cat-dragon
Foofa the flower bubble (??)
Brobee the little green one (my personal fave)
and the host, DJ Lance Rock.

Nick Jr.'s site has coloring pages, iron-ons, printable monster masks, and various other fun things to keep me occupied until the show actually starts. If only they had t-shirts.

Wonder Pets! Encourages Potty Humor

About half of the episode of Noggin's bizarre show Wonder Pets! currently playing on my television is about going to the bathroom. The final exchange between the show's main characters goes as follows:

*Linny the Guinea pig, Tuck the turtle, and Ming-Ming the duck are eating celery.*
Ming-Ming: Mmm! Celery is great after a good pee!
Tuck: You can say that again.
Ming-Ming: Celery is great after a good pee!
Linny: Good one, Ming-Ming!
*All three laugh.*

I don't even have anything to add; I just felt like this needed to be pointed out.

Behold- The face of evil. Its name is Boohbah!

And you thought The Teletubbies were bad. Boohbah is from the same people who brought you those freaky little runts with the tvs in their bellies, and it's the most frightening and disturbing thing I've ever seen. Their web site gives you a small glimpse into this nightmare of gum-ball shaped terror, but nothing compares to the real show (make sure you've got the sound up when you start clicking around that 9-circled pit of despair, by the way). I don't know what these things are supposed to be, but I know that if I ever expect my little boy to sleep in a the dark in a room by himself, I will keep him from watching it.

On the positive side, Boohbah is meant to encourage exercise. The hellish little characters, clearly the product of some sort of hallucinogenic freakout, dance and wiggle throughout the show. I guess the kids who watch are supposed to follow along, but you'd never know this, since the Boohbah demons don't speak beyond blurps and hoo-has and whatnot. They do, however, shift their gigantic cat-like eyes back and forth in a way that I really don't trust. But the most terrifying trait they've got is the ability to retract their heads into their necks. This is a blog about kid stuff, so I'm not going to go into great detail as to what this act resembles, but let's just say the word "uncircumcised" has crossed my mind.

I mean, seriously, if you make it through the opening credit sequence, a montage of kids, sparkles, and various other LSD-inspired, brain-scrambling freakazoids with a completely atonal "singing" of the show's title repeated ad nauseam, then you're a stronger man (or woman) than I am. Plopping your kid down in front of Pink Floyd's The Wall would be less damaging.

And seriously, if this thing ever showed up at our house, I'd go after it with an ice pick:

Mickey Mouse is a jerk.

Though our son is only 6 months old, he seems to enjoy watching The Disney Channel's "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse", perhaps due to the sickeningly bright colors. It's not the best kid's show I've seen, but it's certainly not the worst (if you accidentally find yourself watching "Boohbah", I recommend clawing your eyes out and picking some repetitive song and singing it at the top of your lungs to drown out the sound). It's got the usual Disney cartoon gang of Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Pluto, Goofy, and Daisy, plus the occasional side character, like the giant from the brilliant Mickey and the Beanstalk and the very good Mickey's Christmas Carol, who happens to be the subject of this post.

In the episode question, Donald arrives at Mickey's clubhouse to inform him that he just traded his favorite chicken, the curiously named Boo-Boo Chicken, to the giant for some magic beans. When Mickey asks how they are magic, Donald says some magic words, and is quite disappointed when nothing happens. Mickey points out that Donald has been hornswaggled, and the gang sets off to get Boo-Boo Chicken back.

Only there's one problem. In the process of getting Boo-Boo Chicken back, the magic beans turn out to be magic after all; they cause the mythical beanstalk to grow. They confront the giant anyway! Donald insists, "Give me my Boo-Boo Chicken back!" Mickey tells the giant that it's Donald's favorite chicken. The giant CRIES because he loves Boo-Boo Chicken, who, it turns out, gives the best hugs. Mickey convinces the giant that he can have the beanstalk the magic beans created, and Boo-Boo Chicken returns home with Donald.

So remember, kids, if you make a trade and change your mind, it's ok to demand that your property is returned to you, even through the tears of the partner-in-trade. And, of course, this is coming from Mickey, who the show's titular clubhouse is named after, and who uses mouseketools to help his mouseketeers do whatever it is the show requires them to do. This is one egomaniacal mouse, people.

I, for one, am on the giant's side.

Oh, incidentally, They Might Be Giants do the catchy-to-the-point-of-annoying theme song and closing credits song, "Hot Dog". I loved your first kid's record, but geez guys, is this the only way you can make money now? Oh well.